Pet Peeves!

Celebs have a tough old time. Their millions of pounds, and instant recognizability are great, but imagine being held responsible for everything you do! If a celeb messes up, it's not swept under the carpet like it is for you and I, it's pulled through the tabloids and they are forced to pay the repercussions (unless its gang rape or drink driving). Under the constant watchful eye of hungry vultures like yours truly, sometimes Celebs find it hard to know who to trust, but there is one friend who will always have time for them - the faithful celeb pet!

That's right! Whether it's Paris Hilton's Handbag-bound little pup, or the bear in Liam Gallagher's shed, sometimes Celeb pets cause controversy. For today's Theme Thursday, we look at the top five controversial celebrity pets.

5.Michael Score's Flock of Seagulls

Scraping in at number five comes lead-singer and front man of the 80's new wave band, A flock of Seagulls. I imagine you can see where this is going. Believe it or not, Mike Score does indeed lay claim to a flock of seagulls which have been nesting in the Norfolk area for the past ten years. Some believe Score's pets are a natural occurance wherever sand meets sea meets pollution, but others are less happy.

"They are a menace!" local man, Arthur Lidge (81) told us. "They are noisy, dirty and ugly. One time that mop-top's menagerie set on a kid with an ice cream and scared the poor little mite half to death. Another time one of them died and fell in the sea. If I see someone feeding them scraps of chips, or dropping crumbs along the beach I get rather cross. Sometimes I simply walk away, but other times I have gone so far as to suck my bottom lip into my mouth, lick my top lip, shake my head and lick my top lip again whilst mumbling in an ambiguously motivated manner."

Strong words. But what does Lidge think is the answer?

"If Mike Score from A Flock of Seagulls wants to own them birds, he'd better start acting like a proper pet owner. I insist he takes out pet insurance on each and every one, and buys long leather leads to fasted around their little necks. That way he can tether them to a metal pole in his garden, and the only house what's going to be shit all on is that giant mansion shaped like a haircut that he lives in.

Seagulls.

4.Naomi Campbell's Moose

She may not get out of bed for less than a million dollars, but don't mistake Campbell for being lazy. When she's not too busy walking and standing on the catwalk, or accepting blood diamonds from warlords, Campbell tends to one of the most time-consuming celeb pets ever, a 900lb Canadian moose! The moose, named Gatsby after F. Scot Fitzgerald's masterpiece, is a huge, magnificent beast with wide antlers and funny little stick legs. Not everyone finds him as endearing as we do however. Recently, Campbell's neighbours have issued a series of threatening letters, detailing what will happen to Gatsby if he continues to barge through the fence separating their homes, and insists on eating from their plum tree.

"They sign the letters with a question mark like they are all mysterious," Campbell told friends, "but theirs is the only other house for half a mile, and they have a plum tree. Also one time I saw her putting it through my letterbox whilst she was walking the dog."

The letters claim that if the plum-eating continues, the neighbours will be forced to purchase a Siberian tiger, a moose's most powerful natural predator.

"Let them get their fucking tiger," says Campbell. "I'll get a Siberian tiger's greatest predator - a Russian Zoo, then they'll probably get a Russian Zoo's greatest predator which is probably the RSPCA or something. I'll have to get a general sense of apathy and concerns that maybe the money could be better spent on helping children."

The 900lb Moose

3.Lady Gaga's Ghost Dog

No stranger to the world of shock and horror, Lady Gaga has now purchased perhaps the most exotic pet in the list, a ghost dog. The ghost dog, named Washington was a birthday gift to the star from fellow celebrity and fellow weirdo, Derek Acorah.

"Lady says that Washington comes from the 13th Century or something, I think she said he's Italian. I can't see him but my husband can, I can just hear him sniffing around, and occasionally all our breath turns visible."

Even an invisible dog can be a problem though as Lady Gaga has taken to taking the ectoplasmic mutt with her when she goes shopping. The local shopping district near the star's Chester home, have taken to putting an additional sign in the window saying "No Ghost Dogs", but the star will not listen.

"She's welcome to tie the little fella up outside whilst she comes in, either that or she can leave him at home, but we can't let him in. She moans that he's invisible to most people and can't obstruct anything, but that's not the point. Firstly, it would be unfair to those people who choose to have living dogs, and secondly, all food and drink produce rot when he walks past, and sometimes blood pours from the walls. Washington's a lovely little chap, but I can't afford that!"

This was the first image I could find of a ghost dog.

2. Sigourney Weaver's Weevil

Information on this one is scarce, but it is said that Sigourney, star of the Alien movie franchise, has adopted a Weevil named Uwe (Oo-Vay). Weevils, long hated for their destruction of cottons and fabric crops prior to the widespread use of DDT, are potentially the next big thing in terms of pets.

"They're quiet," Sigourney told reporters at the Avatar premier earlier this year. "They don't make much mess. Easy to look after. If they die you probably wont notice for quite a while, and when you do you can always get another one!"

Another one indeed, many weevil experts believe that the Uwe seen on Weaver's shoulder at a recent charity event, may be the fifth, or even sixth incarnation of her not so cuddly little pal. Scandalous!

I literally just threw up in my mouth a little bit, and I couldn't swallow it back down so I just sort of drooled it out onto the floor.

1. My Neighbour's Bats

She isn't a celebrity, but in terms of controversy you can't get much better. My neighbour has been keeping a whole load of foreign bats in her house for her boyfriend (possibly now ex?) and as a result, a really nice local man contracted rabies from her dog, who in turn probably got it from the bats if Wikipedia is to be believed.

The boyfriend doesn't seem to be an academic, though I only saw him a few times, so we doubt that the bats are for studying, rather he probably thinks they are cool. We are talking about a man who drives a motorcycle some days, and an old sports car on other days and wears a leather jacket in the summer, and sunglasses in the winter. This charming individual also once ignored my mum when she was trying to bring a lot of heavy cooking wear into my house around Christmas 2007, when he could easily have offered to help. Monster or just lost his way? You decide!

Sometimes this is the view through her window.

The end.