Q. How old are you and where do you live?
A. I prefer not to answer personal questions about myself online, as I believe they could be held against me and used at a later date. Suffice to say I live in the South of the United Kingdom in a place where it is illegal to keep bats in a house, but the police and council are too brow-beaten to do anything about it. Likewise, I am old enough to be married and have a child, but young enough to be beaten up by my son.
Q. Do you really have rabies?
A. Yes, as previously mentioned, it's a bloody nightmare.
Q. What first got you involved in !Hot Celeb News!
A. I first became interested in celebrity at school, when Luke Vernham took a stool on the story time carpet. Luke was the king of year two after that. People wanted to be him, and there were so many copy-cat stoolings that the caretaker had to stop drinking in his cupboard for twenty minutes to rip the carpet up and put in laminate flooring. From that day forward I had an interest in !Hot Celeb News! and how fame affected people. In Luke Vernham's case, fame went to his head and he attempted a similar feet in junior school and was forced into the spec reta special-class. He died tragically in year five when one of those ones that's stupid, but really strong, caved his head in with a filing cabinet after a misunderstanding about who was the best member of Bros.
Q. Is your day job centered around Celebrity?
A. No.
Q. Or writing?
A. No.
Q. Or chlorine levels?
A. Yes. I refuse to go into detail, but my day job involves monitoring and maintaining the chlorine levels at a place in the town where I live. I refuse to say what type of place it is, but it is a common leisure activity, and there is one in most cities and towns.
Q. At the bottom of the page there is a picture of a dog you have labelled "My nemesis - fuck you Lazarus!" Who are your other enemies?
A. I like to get on with everyone, but Brangelina, Luke Vernham, sometimes my son, my neighbour and her boyfriend (ex?), Mr. Campbell - the chief lifeguard at work, and the heads of personnel at Hello, Vogue, Take A Break Magazine and Night and Day.
Q. Do you really own the copyright to all the images on your blog?
A.
Q. Can I follow your blog?
A. Yes! Feel free! Just click the follow link on the right hand side of the page!
Q. How can I get in contact?
A. Please send all mail to RabidCelebNews@gmail.com
Q. Will it be really you who answers?
A. Yes, unless I make suggestive comments or tell you in detail about problems I have pooing or weeing whilst I sleep. If your reply contains those things then it is probably from my son, masquerading as me.
That's all for now! See you in two days!
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